My humans are stupid. That's the only way to explain what happened on Friday night. I have been very jealous of all you lucky cats who get to go outside. I follow the humans down the stairs trying to escape into the great outdoors. So, they bought me a leash and harness and decide to give it a whirl. They take me to Frank's parent's house because they have a big yard and a deck. Sounds great right? The morons weren't thinking about the fact that other than the big yard, green grass and nice deck, there are also three dogs. Dogs I know, but am a little skittish around. In their excitement to get me outside they put me in the harness, hook up the leash and take me out on the deck. All is well for about four seconds and then boom, dogs get a whiff of little ole me and come running up to see. All of a sudden I turn into something other than myself. I turn into this...
I was a whirlwind of claws and teeth and a real hissing machine. Impressive for someone who never hisses huh? The dogs backed off, most of the humans were frozen in shock. Frank was the one who took action and grabbed me up trying to get me inside. I ripped him apart. Blood ran down in arm in streams and dipped onto the floor inside. I ran down into the basement and hid. It took over a half hour to get me out. Jen was crying, Frank was bleeding and I was pissed. How dumb can they be? Oh sure, they meant well, but couldn't they have given it a little more thought?
And I'm going to spend it watching squirrels and birds. I even heard a rumor that there is a groundhog around here somewhere. I won't believe it until I see it though! There are a couple of kitties that live across from me. We can see each other if we all sit in the windows. They don't seem very neighborly though!
In honor of National Hairball Awareness Day, my buddy Romeo is teaming up with FURminator deShedding Tool to host a contest over at his blog . By entering you will be helping raise money for Kitten Rescue. If you hop over to his site and donate $1 to Kitten Rescue you can submit your craziest furball picture. You might win a FURminator of your own! And the winner's picture will be posted on http://www.peoplepets.com/. Check out his blog for all the details!
I kept asking Jen to send in a picture for Sock It To Me Sunday. She promised she would and then she forgot until after the deadline had passed. Lazy human. So today, in honor of my friend Cory, I'm posting the picture I would have submitted if I had a useful human. This one's for you Cory!
Jen went to check my food and water the other day and what did she find? One of my fish toys...floating in my water bowl. This is the second time I have put my fish toys in the water. I never put any other toys in there, afterall, mice don't belong in water...only fish!
Is there anything better than waking the humans out of a sound sleep? I was feeling especially hyper at 5:30 this morning and I wanted company. First, I tried making noise. I managed to get a nail polish bottle and rolled it around on the hardwood floor. Jen woke up and took the bottle away and went back to sleep. So climbed up on the bed very quietly. I wiggled down to the bottom and then leaped on her stomach with all my might. I heard her make a sound like "omph." She yelled my name and rolled over to her side. So then I crawled to the top of the bed and sat down by her head. Then, I whapped her nose as hard as I could. Twice. That got her up! I have spent the rest of the morning running around the apartment as fast as I can. I've played with all my toys and Jen said I have had my "crazy eyes" all morning. Now I'm starting to get tired. Here's a picture of when I was wrestling with one of my toys.
Does everycat have a twin? Apparently, I do. Jen was looking around on a site with stories about cats who have been adopted and she noticed there was a cat named Tuck. She clicked on the picture and this is what she saw...
That cat looks just like me! And his name is Tuck! At least his name WAS Tuck until he was adopted...and then his humans changed his name to Ozzy. I think he looks more like a Tuck!
I'm on a stakeout. There are some birdies that make lots of noise and they are always right outside my window. I like to sit here behind the blinds and watch them. This is the perfect place. I am learning all their secrets, so that one day when I get outside I can overtake them. Any cats out there want to join me? You must be very quiet once you get here...we don't want to scare them away.
Today I went to the V-E-T. It was the first time that I had been since they clipped my ear, stole my manhood and stuck me with a needle. Jen wasn't sure that I'd had all my shots and she wanted me to have a check up. So in I went. I was in my carrier and there was a couple in the waiting room worried that their woofies would scare me. Please. They had two tiny little things, barely bigger than me. They clearly had no clue who they were talking to. I was born in a barn with horses and sometimes play with my Golden Retriever cousins. I am fierce and will not be frightened by a cute little pup.
Finally, I was called back in a little room where I was violated! They took a thermometer and stuck it...well, you can imagine where. And Jen held me while they did it. Dreadful lady she is (I'll remember this.) Then they stole my blood, injected me with some sort of liquid and promised to see me in three weeks. I am not happy.
On the bright side, I am thrilled to report that I am quickly progressing in my quest to become a mancat. I now weigh in at a whopping 9 pounds and the V-E-T told Jen that I am the perfect weight for my size. At least someone admits that I am perfect.
I've asked Jen to post a picture showing how grown up I am starting to look...